I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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