I feel great
I just peed on a car
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
