took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
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