Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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