I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
