smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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