It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
