ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
