...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
