i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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