just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
