I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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