She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
