But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
last night I used snow as a chaser
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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