Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
