I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
