I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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