I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
