I wannas sexs uuuuu
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
