glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
