Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
