His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
