You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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