Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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