just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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