Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
