I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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