Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
