I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
