i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
