Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
