If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
