Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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