I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
