:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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