If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
