Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ketchup is God's man juice
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
