I think I won the penis lottery.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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