Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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