If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
