Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
