I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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