So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
