Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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