If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
