i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
