Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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