Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
