Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
