he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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