I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
