Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
