atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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