Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
