I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
