i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
