i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
