Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize