I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
