so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
