i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I FOUND THE LEGS
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
