I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
