He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
