I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
