That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
