u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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