even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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